Thoughts on Childbirth

Since sharing my insane story of Cecily’s birth, I have had several friends and acquaintances appear out of the woodwork asking me about natural childbirth. I surprised even myself by choosing this route. For example, in my blog post about my older daughter Cate’s birth (February 2012), I commented that women who choose to give birth without medication are “crazed lunatics”. Since I was an unlikely adopter of this life choice (I’m not particularly “crunchy”, I’m sensitive to pain, etc.) I decided to share my story and to compare/contrast my hospital childbirth experience with my natural childbirth experiences. Since this is such a sensitive topic to so many women and families, I want to stress that these are just my personal experiences, not a prescription for anyone else’s situation. In that same light I will also say that I consider all childbirth “natural”, but in this blog post I will use “natural” as “unmedicated”.

Birth stories- short versions

I had a fairly uncomplicated, typical hospital birth with Cate. You can read the whole story here, but here’s the overview: My labor only lasted 9 hours total. I had an IV, a narcotic called Nubain, and an epidural. I received an oxygen mask after Cate’s heart rate dropped momentarily.

In good spirits on the way to the hospital.

Laboring in the hospital bed.

I pushed for about an hour, and I needed 2 stitches afterwards. A team of NICU doctors took Cate as soon as she was born because they’d seen meconium when my water broke. They put a tube down her throat to ensure she hadn’t aspirated meconium. (I learned later from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists that, as of 2007, "If the newborn is vigorous, defined as having strong respiratory efforts, good muscle tone, and a heart rate greater than 100 beats per minute, there is no evidence that tracheal suctioning is necessary. Injury to the vocal cords is more likely to occur when attempting to intubate a vigorous newborn.")

Cate being intubated.

I got to hold her about a half hour after she was born. We stayed in the hospital for 48 hours after she was born.

Our first time nursing.

She was extra sleepy the entire time, and as a result I needed to see two lactation consultants to help me with breastfeeding. I had postpartum anxiety, especially the first week since breastfeeding was such a struggle, and she didn’t sleep well at night. At my six week postnatal appointment I asked for stronger anti-depressant medication (I’d begun taking a small dose for anxiety while pregnant... *Note- taking an anti-depressant was, and remains, a good choice for my mental health. If you feel anxious or depressed, whether you have a newborn or not, talk to a professional!). Eventually I was able to feel connected to Cate, but that bonding took several weeks. 

Mama and Cate

 Catherine Elaine, 3 days old.

I had a very uncomplicated, not typical birth center birth with Cecily. You can read the whole story here, but here’s the overview: My active labor lasted 2 hours total- I know second labors are often shorter than first labors. 

My I-think-this-is-real-labor face.

I had no medication, no monitoring, no stitches. I didn’t even make it into the birthing suite but gave birth on the stairs of the birthing center. (I am still in shock!) 

I held her in my arms from literally the moment she was born until I was ready to have her weighed. She had already nursed on both sides at that point. The birthing center staff measured Cecily and did her baby check-up on the bed with me. 

Cate holding her sister's hand on my bed while she had her baby check-up.

We left the birthing center 5 hours after Cecily was born. 

Cecily has breastfed like a champ- I realize this time around I have 22 months of breastfeeding experience so of course it is easier. She has slept a lot but is so alert when she is awake. 

Cecily Julianne, 5 days old.

I felt close to her immediately- I also realize that it is easier for a second baby to feel “familiar” than a first baby. I’m sure it’s easier to bond with an “easy” baby who sleeps and eats well. 

Mama and Cecily

Similarities between Cate’s (hospital) birth and Cecily’s (birth center) birth:

Midwifery prenatal care: In both pregnancies I saw a Certified Nurse Midwife for prenatal care. I saw two CNMs in Muncie, Indiana, while pregnant with Cate. Their practice also had an OB-GYN whom I met once and who would have performed a Cesarean if necessary during my delivery. When I learned I was pregnant with Cecily, I looked for providers in my insurance network, honestly not necessarily preferring a midwife over an obstetrician. A friend of mine was about to give birth when I was newly pregnant and highly recommended her midwife, a CNM named Danielle Demeter, so I went to her (and so should you!). She also worked with an OB-GYN whom I never met after all. 

I stole this from your facebook, Danielle! 

Low-risk pregnancy: I was a fairly low-maintenance patient. With each I had only minor issues and good vitals throughout pregnancy. 

"Typical" labor: There were no major complications during labor in either case.

Motherhood: Another similarity is that in both instances, I ended up the mother of a beautiful, healthy baby girl. :)

Differences between Cate’s (hospital) birth and Cecily’s (birth center) birth:

Preparation for labor during pregnancy: While pregnant with Cate, my husband Chris and I attended an all-day childbirth preparation class at our hospital, and I took my grandmother as my partner (Chris had to work) to an infant safety class at the hospital. I read articles online and had several apps to learn about fetal development week to week throughout my pregnancy. I watched an entire season of 16 and Pregnant (don't judge me!) and did all of the usual nesting, cleaning, and shopping you would expect. Though I kept all my appointments and was really excited to be a new mom, I didn’t really think about labor or delivery at all until my last trimester. I knew I’d have an epidural, because why on earth would you not, and I trusted hospital staff to take care of me. 

While pregnant with Cecily, I read Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, both by a famous midwife named Ina May Gaskin. I also watched “The Business of Being Born” on Netflix and about a million birth videos on YouTube. I also had several apps on my phone showing me fetal development week to week. Literally every day I researched something on natural childbirth. Chris and I attended a 2-day/12-hour natural childbirth preparation class taught by a doula. I listened to a Hypnobirthing track with headphones any time I couldn’t sleep at night (which was a few times a week...I may have had a low-risk pregnancy, but it was still pregnancy...) and planned to listen to it during labor as well. I wrote affirmations for birth (“My body knows how to give birth”, “I am strong”, etc.) on notecards and kept them in my birth center bag. I saw a chiropractor who specializes in pregnant women about every other week from 20 weeks on. I listened to probably 50 discussions on a podcast called “Pregtastic”. I thought about labor and delivery every day of my pregnancy. 

Our first weeks with Cate were somewhat marred by difficulty bonding, postpartum anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed by new responsibilities. I thought that if there was anything I could do to prevent feeling disconnected from my next baby, I would do it. I wasn’t sure that the medication during my labor with Cate had anything to do with the struggles I had afterwards with her, but since I was a good candidate for unmedicated childbirth (quick labor, low-risk pregnancy, etc.) I thought it would be worthwhile to try. When my midwife Danielle suggested that I would be a good candidate to deliver at Better Birth, a birthing center in Salt Lake City, it felt like the right decision for us. Again, I was a good, low-risk candidate. (Also, a birth center delivery is way cheaper than a hospital delivery!)

Labor: When I went into labor with Cate and was laboring at home, I felt in tune with my body. However, as soon as I was checked into the hospital, I was hooked up to an IV and fetal monitor and given an internal exam from a nurse I’d never met. She told me I’d only dilated to a 3, and if I hadn’t been throwing up, she would have discharged me. My water broke a half hour later. I was transferred to a labor and delivery room and Nubain was fed into my IV for pain relief. Neither the IV nor Nubain were requested but were both part of hospital policy and procedure. Because of the IV, I couldn’t stand up or move around (as we had practiced in birthing class and requested as a part of our birth plan) during labor; I was completely confined to a hospital bed.

When the time came for the epidural, the anesthesiologist came in and injected me. The first epidural didn't work and he was outwardly annoyed that he would have to place another. At one point, Cate’s heart rate dropped momentarily, and a nurse rushed in to put an oxygen mask on me. When she came in, I asked her why she was there, and she didn't even give me an answer. It was terrifying. My midwife arrived a few hours after I did- everyone who saw me up until that point was a stranger. None of these facts particularly bothered me at the time (except getting the oxygen mask) since it was just “normal” hospital procedure. 

When I began contractions with Cecily, I monitored them for a couple hours but still wasn’t totally convinced I was in labor since the contractions weren’t really progressing in speed or intensity. I was able to go about my business all morning, and by early afternoon they stopped altogether. So I’m considering this “early labor”. After a weird 2-hour break, the contractions came back in full force. It was at this time that I began applying the labor techniques I’d studied for months. I visualized my body opening, I kept telling myself that each contraction was productive and was getting me closer to seeing my baby. I breathed deeply and intentionally. I sat in a warm bath to ease the pain and calm me down when the contractions were getting particularly intense. While I know that most second births are much faster than first births, I really believe that my surrendering to the contractions and being in tune with my body helped me progress quickly in labor. I have read dozens of birth stories where something emotional- fear, insecurity, etc.- slowed labor.

Delivery: Since my epidural with Cate didn’t work very well (my whole left side was epidural-free), I could tell when it was time to push. My midwife coached me through pushing- push for 10 seconds, breath, repeat two more times. I remember thinking, "I’m just going to have to rip myself open for this to be over"… and that’s what I did. After an hour of pushing, Cate was born. I briefly saw her foot, but the NICU doctors took her immediately from me. While they were cleaning her up, I asked Chris to take a picture for me.  The first time I saw her face was on an iPhone. 

Chris took this photo across the room and brought it to me. 
This was the first time I saw my daughter.

I was exhausted from labor and still mentally numb from medications. I just laid down while I received my stitches and waited for them to return my baby girl to me. Again, this is all typical and it didn’t necessarily bother me at the time. I didn’t know any other way.

My delivery with Cecily was comical. I had no idea it was eminent, even though my contractions had been just hellish for 15 minutes, until I was on the stairs. I felt like pushing in the car as we were approaching the birth center, but I didn’t dare. My water hadn’t broken, so I really thought I had several more hours. On the stairs, I just thought “PUSH!” so I did, and she came out right then! It wasn’t painful to push AT ALL. It felt amazing and satisfying. I could feel everything. I was so thrilled to be done with contractions, but even more thrilled to see my baby’s face. After a minute of shock, hugs, and picture-taking, the midwife asked if I wanted to go upstairs to a bed. I said "YES!" then stood and walked up the rest of the stairs while holding my baby (I still hadn’t delivered the placenta). If you’d asked me to stand up and walk up a flight of stairs after Cate’s delivery, I would have slapped you. Really. Someone took a video of me holding Cecily once we were upstairs, and in the video I just keep saying, “My baby! My baby!” and I am just deliriously happy. I was happy after Cate’s birth, but really more relieved and exhausted than happy. 

Recovery: After both deliveries, I was pretty swollen in my girl parts. Today at 4 days postpartum, I am still a little sore. Luckily I didn’t bleed too badly either time, and my milk came within 24 hours both times. 

After Cate was born, I was on a regimen of Advil and Vicodin. I remember telling the nurses who administered these medications to me that I felt ok in my girl parts but that I needed “big drugs” for my back and shoulders. Laying in a hospital bed (even though it was kind of propped up) and pushing for an hour made my back, neck, and shoulder muscles very sore for at least a week. 

Since Cecily was born, I’ve taken several doses of Advil for swelling, but not consistently, just as needed. Emotionally, the difference is night and day. Newborns are not as overwhelming the second time, and breastfeeding is easier, which helps baby be a better sleeper. But in addition to all of that, I feel like Cecily and I were completely uninhibited in bonding. For one thing, I, her mother, was the first to hold her, see her, experience her. Doesn’t that seem like it should be an obvious thing?! Second, I was completely uninhibited emotionally and mentally by medication. For another thing, we weren’t in a hospital for 2 days being interrupted every half hour. We just went home and started our life together! 

A note on IVs: I retained water like crazy from the IV in Cate’s delivery. When I came home with Cate 48 hours after her birth, I weighed THE SAME as when I checked into the hospital to deliver her. With Cecily, I weighed 15 pounds less when we arrived home that night, and gained a few back when my milk came in. Even in pictures, you can see an extreme difference in my face between births, even though I was a similar weight at the end of both pregnancies.

Overall thoughts: Like I’ve mentioned a few times, I didn’t really have a problem with my hospital birth experience with Cate. I didn’t question it at the time. It was relatively quick and uncomplicated, and I was happy with that. I didn’t think childbirth could be any easier or better or different. I thought I should absolutely be in a hospital- because WHAT IF WHAT IF (and to be fair, my mom and sister had really difficult labors/recoveries, so that was kind of my previous experience with childbirth). I thought I should absolutely have an epidural- because PAIN. 

"And how many of you are planning on using toxic Western medications to drug your baby for your own selfish comfort? Anyone?"

I thought women who gave birth naturally were either hippies or marathon athletes, and I thought they all felt like they had something to prove. I now realize that's not the case. Through this whole process, I have become absolutely in awe of God’s design of women’s bodies and the process of pregnancy and childbirth. I definitely got lucky that Cecily’s birth went so quickly! Provided I’m healthy and low risk in my next pregnancy, I will absolutely deliver naturally again (and we're even thinking about home birth! what!). I really enjoyed preparing for Cecily's labor and delivery- reading all these amazing birth stories, learning about my body, being mindful of my baby, and even just taking time out of my day to mentally prepare for childbirth. 

So anyway: since several of my friends and friends-of-friends were interested, please let me know if you still want to chat! Pregnancy is so personal for every woman, from conceiving to childbirth to postpartum, and what I've shared is just my experience. All pregnancy and childbirth is natural and beautiful!! 
One last thing- Local friends, absolutely contact Danielle Demeter if and when you need a midwife. She was a wonderful supporter of me as a woman ("You were made to do this!") and helped me to be confident in preparing for natural childbirth. She was also so available to me via text, email, etc. between appointments and was an incredible resource to me. I will go to her forevermore and recommend you do the same! :)